Explaining Death to Children

Losing an infant is devastating for the entire family. This loss can be particularly challenging for children. When a baby dies the adults in their lives are often unavailable emotionally as they struggle with their own grief. A child’s daily routines are completely disrupted. Most of all, a sibling they looked forward to for so long is suddenly gone. Explaining this type of loss to a child is extremely difficult. It is particularly challenging to engage very young children who do not yet have an understanding of what death is.  It is common for adults to struggle to know how much information a child can handle and what exactly to tell them.

When speaking to children about the death of a sibling, family member or friend here are some helpful guidelines that experts recommend:

• Avoid saying things like the baby “went to sleep”
• Be honest, open and clear. While being gentle you need to give them all the information they are able to process.
• Be nurturing, reassuring and predictable for the child. This helps them feel secure and guides them through their grief.
• Be prepared that you may need to discuss the same details over and over again. It’s normal to hear the same question repetitively.
• Never avoid the topic when the child brings it up. Adults need to be available when the child is ready and willing to talk. Avoid pushing them into a conversation if they are not ready.
• Take advantage of resources available to you. There are trained professionals that specialize in childhood grief that can help both you and your child.

Below is a list of books that can help explain death to children

Books specific to SIDS loses

• Flying Hugs and Kisses by  Jewel Sample  (Ages 4-8)
• Missing Hannah: Based on a true story of Sudden Infant Death by Darlene Kane (Ages 4-8)
• Stacy Has A Little Sister by Wendie C. Old (Ages 3-8)

Other books

• The Story of books – this is a personalized book with your own child’s name and relevant illustrations to share with your children.
• A Birthday Present for Daniel: A Child’s Story of Loss by Juliet Cassuto Rothman and Louise Gish ( Ages 5 and up (parent reading). Ages 9–12 (independent reading))
• After the Funeral by Jane Loretta Winsch (Ages 5 and up)
• All God’s Creatures Go To Heaven by Amy Nolfo-Wheeler. All ages.
• Children Are Not Paper Dolls by Erin Linn (Ages 9-15)
• Children Facing Grief by Jan Rodmond (Ages 8-16)
• Dancing on the Moon by Janice Roper and Lauren Grimm (Ages infant to Preschool)
• Everett Anderson’s Goodbye by Lucille Clifton and Ann Grifalconi  (Ages 5-8)
• Fire in My Heart, Ice in My Veins-A Journal For Teenagers Experiencing a Loss by Enid Samuel Traisman (Ages: Young Adult)
• Grieving for the Sibling You Lost: A Teen’s Guide to Coping with Grief & Finding Meaning After Loss by Erica Goldblatt Hyatt (Ages: Teen)
• Healing Grieving Hearts for Teens by Alan Wolfet (Ages: Young Adult)
• Here in the Garden by Briony Stewart (Ages 5-8)
• If Only by Carole Geithner (Ages 10 and up)
• I Miss You:  A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas (Ages 4-8)
• I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand by Pat Palmer and Dianne O’Quinne Burke (Ages 9 –12)
• I’ll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm (Ages 4-8)
• Isabella’s Dream by Betsy Bottino Arenella (Ages 4-8)
• Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie and Rober Ingpen. (Ages 5 and up)
• Losing Someone You Love: When a Brother or Sister Dies by Elizabeth Richter (Ages 7 and up)
• Sad Isn’t Bad- A Good Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss by Michaelene Mandy and RW Alley (Ages 4-8)
• Someone Came Before You by Pat Schwiebert (Preschool age)
• Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers: How to Cope With Losing Someone You Love by Earl A. Grollman (Ages 12 and up)
• Talking about Death: A Dialogue between Parent and Child by Earl A. Grollman (A book for parents who are talking to children about death)
• Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss by Pat Schwiebert, Chuck DeKlyen, Taylor Bills (Ages 8 and up)
• The Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley (Ages 4–8)
• The Fall of Freddy the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia (Ages 4–8)
• To Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas For Kids by Alan Wolfet (Ages 9-12)
• Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children by Doris Stickney, Robyn Henderson Nordstrom (Ages 4 and up)
• We Were Gonna, Have A Baby But We Had An Angel Instead by Pat Schwiebert (Ages 2-5)
• What Do They Do All Day in Heaven? by Staci Thomas
• What on Earth to Do When Someone Dies by Trevor Romain (Ages 9 – 12)
• What’s Heaven by Maria Shriver (Ages 5-8)
• When a Friend Dies: A Book for Teens About Grieving and Healing by Marilyn Gootman (Ages 6 and up)
• Where’s Jess? by Joy & Marv Johnson (Ages 3-8)

Workbooks/Activity Books to Help Children Express Emotions

• After a Death: An Activity Book for Children by Amy Barrett Lindholm; MS; Donna L. Schuurman; Ed.D.; Joan Schweizer Hoff; M.A.; Rebecca Hobbs Lawrence; The Children at The Dougy Center. (Ages 5­–12)
• Children Also Grieve: Talking About Death and Healing by Linda Goldman (Ages 4 and up)
• Flying Hugs and Kisses Activity Book by Jewel Sample and Lori Kiplinger Pandy (Ages 4 and up)
• The Healing Book: Facing the Death and Celebrating the Life of Someone You Love by Ellen Sabin (Ages 7 and up)
• Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities For Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies by Janis Silverman (Ages 5–teen)
• I Know Someone Who Died Coloring Book by Connie Manning  (Ages 3-8)
• Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine: Your Activity Book to Help When Someone Has Died (Early years)
• When Someone VERY Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief by Marge Heegaard (to be illustrated by children) (ages 6-12)
• Why Did You Die? Activities to Help Children Cope With Grief and Loss by Erika Leeuwenburgh and Ellen Goldring (Ages 3 and up)